"Good evening! I've been waiting for you!
Welcome to Hell!
Let's take a look at your file....oh my....
Murder....rape....arson...quite the profile you have here! It's gruesome....but hardly original.
What? Who am I?
Oh yes, sorry. How rude.
I'll be your caseworker.
You look confused. Of course, there are caseworkers in Hell.
You see, we need to make sure everything is taken care of properly.
I mean, we can't just toss you into a pit of lava for all eternity, can we? Can you imagine how boring that would be?
No, no, no. We must make sure your punishment is tailored to your specific offences.
But with variety! Originality! Uniqueness!
Why you ask?
Besides the pleasure we get out of various tortures?
It's simple.
God designed humans to be very adaptive. Able to change, evolve, cope.
That's frustrating for us.
You see, if I just toss you in the aforementioned pool of lava, you would eventually begin to accept the warmth and comfort of the molten rock, once you realized it wouldn't actually hurt you.
Hell is not supposed to be a warm blanket, goddammit!
God dammit? Get it? It's a pun? Since God damned you? See?
Really? You humans never have a sense of humour down here....
Anyway, the point is, we have to change up your trials from day to day.
Maybe today you will be flayed alive. Tomorrow eaten alive by savage hell hounds. The next day pummeled by hail. The next day you will get a relaxing day on the beach.
Oh, that last one wasn't sarcasm.
You see, down here we don't always bestow pain and suffering. We also grant relief and refuge.
Again, you look confused.
Let me explain.
We go back to what I said about humans being adaptable.
If all you know is pain, you will learn to accept it.
But if we give you a "day off", a contrast, to the eternal torture you are here to face, we can constantly remind you of what you once had, of what peace and happiness once was.
Ah, I can see the despair appearing in your eyes. You are worried you couldn't possibly enjoy those days of respite knowing they are only a tease.
But guess what?
That day of relief, of joy? That might not be Hell at all! That might be Heaven!
No, I am not speaking metaphorically.
You see, God designed humans with all their feeling, positive and negative.
So my boss made a deal with Him.
Once a year, no matter how defiled the soul, God steals one soul from Hell. Regardless of the amount of sin, regardless of the violence, the pain inflicted, God takes one damned soul up to paradise.
Why?
Because with eternal damnation comes hopelessness....
And hope is the most precious of all human emotion....
And we want to give you a sliver of hope, that someday you might escape Hell.
Because how can you crush hope.....if it isn't there?"
Originally Posted by KMApok
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